The fountain of eternal doom

I am currently sitting here in the lotus position (honest!) with eyes closed, thumbs touching middle finger, hands balanced on my knees, breathing deeply and gently murmuring the following mantra:

“I will not let a burst water pipe destroy my inner calm. I attract intact water pipes into my life. I respect the engineers who give up their time out of hours and I do not begrudge them £103 callout fee. I am calm. I will not judge my fellow man, even if he does dig right through a water main while digging a trench for the new oil pipe. I am calm. The garden needed watered anyway. I am calm. I will love and honour my neighbour, particularly when he gets on his knees in the long grass to try to find the manhole cover to the water meter that may or may not be ours, but could be the farmer’s down the road. I am calm.”

Well, not quite the adventure I’d planned for this evening. Anyone got a private yacht I can rent for a week around October when this year’ building work and boiler replacement should all be a fading memory?

On second thoughts, maybe a holiday on water isn’t such a great idea.

I am calm …


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14 thoughts on “The fountain of eternal doom

  1. My sympathies Glenda. Went through a similar phase a few years back when absolutely everything in the house (er bungalow) seemed to involve water leaking from somewhere – under the bath, in the conservatory, through the roof gable, toilet, shower, boiler, you name it and this was a new bungalow at that!

    It will get better I’m sure, and be worth it in the end.

    Lesley Xx

  2. I think I’d stick to dry land I f I were you Glenda! I have total builder-phobia, acquired from experiences I try hard to forget, so I know exactly where you are coming from. My mantra in these circs is “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” or alternatively, sing very loudly “I need a hero” all the way through!
    Chris x

  3. Oh dear, not a good day for stuff going well – sending you a hug. Hope you get the pipe sorted out quick smart. Only 2 sleeps now till Christmas stamp lauch….. can ya tell I’m counting the hours 😀

  4. Wow, freak incidents happen to other people as well…???? I am amazed..!!! Dont be calm, put your wellies on , go outside and scream as loud as you can. You’ll feel sooooooo much better, lmao. Well it always works for me..!!!

  5. Hello Glenda
    Oh dear, poor old you!!
    You have my complete sympathy & understanding.
    In 1998 we moved to a brand new apartment, a week after moving in the mains water pipe burst in the roof & out of 83 apartments in the building ours was the only one that got drenched from ceilings down & from floor up, every room & the airing cupboard. Had to have the whole place dried out which seemed to take forever then completely redecorated, new carpets, new upholstery, new bedding & new clothes.
    It was an utter nightmare!! as it was in November.
    But as they say Glenda “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!!”

  6. Oh my goodness me Glenda – you have made me laugh though. I don’t know – it must be a nightmare. It will all get sorted though, just keep repeating your ‘mantra’ over and over and it will get you through. At first I thought it was something important connected to the new stamps – thank goodness it was only…… sorry love, sending you a big hug :) It all comes to try us !

    Janet x

  7. You have my complete sympathy Glenda. I’ve been having problems with my water too. No leaks, just found out that after having a meter fitted 3 years ago I have been paying for my next door neighbours water as well as my own!! I’ve told them time and again that there was something wrong with the meter and I couldn’t possibly have used that much water on my own, but Northumbria Water just said it was fine. I was beginning to wonder if the cats were having ‘pool parties’ in the bathroom while I was out!

    So now I’ve had a nice fat cheque to repay the money I’ve overpaid, a nice compensation cheque and had a new meter fitted inside my house so I know it just has my water coming through it.

    I’ve had 3 weeks of Northumbria Water ringing me, writing to me and various engineers doing various engineery-type things, but its all worked out for the best as I can afford to go on 6 workshops and the retreat (if I can get booked LOL!!!).

    Try to stay sane.



  8. O Glenda, hope your burst pipe is sorted out now.
    Your post did make me smile though

    Try and keep calm

    hugs Jackie x

  9. So sorry to hear of you misfortunes, but it did make me laugh – even OH had a chuckle when I read it out to him!

    Hope tomorrow brngs more calm and that the “Law family” do not visit – you know, the two that seem to be intent on hindering when you are trying to do something – Murphy and his brother S*d !


  10. Lol, I know its not nice to laugh at your misfortune, but the way you wrote that made me smile from ear to ear. I am very sorry for your lost water, but if you can write something so joville after an ordeal like that then I think you deserve a medal.
    Look forward to reading the rest of your blog :)

  11. Oh dear-it never rains but it pours. I am sure you must be so fed up with builders by now. Good new from ladycatfern though-she will have lots of dosh to invest in the new stamps. It must be water week as my good friend suffered from a cracked cistern (very painful!!!!) in the upstairs bathroom and they didn’t discover it until the water started coming through the kitchen ceiling. The whole of the upstairs was inches deep in water and I won’t even mention how the insurance people have tried to get out of paying up.
    Keep smiling
    XX Chris

  12. Oh Glenda, what can I say …. sounds like an absolute nightmare! I had to admit that thinking of you reciting that mantra did make me smile but the fact that you can get into the lotus position made me very green with envy, it is some time now since I was able to do that. Hope everything is beginning to dry itself and sort itself out now – I will be thinking of you and waiting for your next post with baited breath! Best regards to everyone there, Pat

    1. Pat last time I was able to get into the lotus position I think I was still actually a foetus – take my ‘honest’ statements with a very large pinch of salt. Still I’ve lost a stone in weight, so who knows, this time next year maybe I will be able to get into the lotus position.


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