I am currently sitting here in the lotus position (honest!) with eyes closed, thumbs touching middle finger, hands balanced on my knees, breathing deeply and gently murmuring the following mantra:
“I will not let a burst water pipe destroy my inner calm. I attract intact water pipes into my life. I respect the engineers who give up their time out of hours and I do not begrudge them £103 callout fee. I am calm. I will not judge my fellow man, even if he does dig right through a water main while digging a trench for the new oil pipe. I am calm. The garden needed watered anyway. I am calm. I will love and honour my neighbour, particularly when he gets on his knees in the long grass to try to find the manhole cover to the water meter that may or may not be ours, but could be the farmer’s down the road. I am calm.”
Well, not quite the adventure I’d planned for this evening. Anyone got a private yacht I can rent for a week around October when this year’ building work and boiler replacement should all be a fading memory?
On second thoughts, maybe a holiday on water isn’t such a great idea.
I am calm …